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The Damsel in Distress's Vow

1.� I vow never ever to Distress over a predicament I can remove myself from.

2.� I will not be so stupid as to blatantly place myself into danger. � No skinny dipping in the secluded pool, no sneaking off to the village.� If the Villainous Villain is going to kidnap me, he will have to lie, cheat, steal, and plot to catch me.

3.� I will not allow my maid or nurse to place themselves in any danger, no matter how long they have been in the employ of my family.

4.� I will stay alert at all times.� I will never trust: stepbrothers, stepsisters, stepmothers, cousins, sisters, jilted ex-boyfriends.

5.� If my father/brother/cousin/etc. gambles away the family estate, I will NOT allow him to sell me to the highest bidder.

6.� If I fall in love with the stable boy, I will marry him at all costs, even if I have to get a job and become a tavern wench.

7.� If the Villainous Villain has kidnapped me so that he can sully my lily-white reputation because our families have been feuding for centuries, I WILL NOT swoon from dire passion, nor will I see his kind and generous nature and pledge my undying love.� The jerk meant to hurt me-I won't love him.

8.� I vow to thwart the Villainous Villain at all times, in all ways.

9.� If the Villainous Villain tries to pillage and plunder me, I will kick him in the family jewels.

10. If my family does not pay the ransom (because they were secretly plotting to get rid of me) I will immediately join the Villainous Villain's team and he will be forevermore referred to as the Hero.� Hence the Hero will become the Villain.

11. If no suitable Knight in Shining Armor is around, I will settle for a Warrior in a Loincloth.

12. If the Knight/Warrior (hereout referred to as 'Hero') does not claim a kiss, I will demand it.� After all, it is my due.

13. If the Hero gets into an altercation and looks ready to be skewered, I will not jump in between him and the sword.� Instead I will immediately begin searching for a new Hero.� After all, if I were to be hurt there would be no Damsel in Distress, hence no need for a Hero.

14. When the Hero wins my heart, I will not let the Evil Overlord convince me that my Hero is anything less than true and honorable.

15.� When the Hero is in a deadly altercation, I will not stand about trembling and fear for my life.� Instead I will pick up the nearest handy heavy thing and heave it at the Villain.� And if I myself am skilled in arms I shall not give them up to the Hero, who may not be as good.� He can jolly well bring his own.

Graphics by The Clipart Castle

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